i feel that about my T too. and you're right i don't see a t for any kind of "dark side" though i'm not quite sure what you mean by that, nor do i see him for grief. i have bpd.

i just think like pegasus said the power imbalance is too great. sometimes i wish things were different. but when i think about how a relationship with my T outside of therapy would be, i know it wouldn't be right. he would know all my insecurities and issues and would always be trying not to trigger me. if i found out, for example, that something traumatic had happened in his past, how could i talk about that same thing in therapy because i would be thinking of HIS feelings. which isn't right. what if we had a fight? can you imagine the kind of problems that would cause in therapy? i just don't think you can switch roles like that. a therapist is so different from any other role in your life and they need to be separate i think.