I'm only 15 years old. I want to dream about a boy who likes long walks on the beach, and candlelight dinners. But know who I dream of?
A man who will possess me. I denied it at first and thought it was a bad-boy thing. But it has evolved. I don't know why. I have a good steady household, a loving family and have taken medication for depression.
But my wants don't stop. My want for someone to take me away, treat me like his trophy, beat me, screw me hard and fast. Someone who I can cling to . I want to be one of those women who have that misplaced loyalty.
Because than I won't need to think. I'd be instinct. He wants this, I do this, how please him, please him now.
Something to center my life around. I don't care about how it will destroy me. Maybe I want it to. But it dosn't stop the fact that I want someone to throw me down and take pleasure out of me, him not caring about how I feel about it.
I know its sick and I hate myself for it but please tell me why. Why I feel like this. Why I want that.
Please before I find someone who will do just that.