Quote:
Originally Posted by Cavi
Hi everyone....I wrote awhile back about my relationship with my T, for those who don't know her and I are dr./friends...I did alot of thinking about the responses I got here and also about something I will share in a minute...I am starting to see how the relationship is imbalanced...
I cannot call her at home, I have told her that I would never call her at home as a client but I still have to either leave her a message on her work cell, send her an email or go through her sister if I want to talk to her as a friend...This bothers me ALOT so I wrote her an email saying that I think we should go back to
being dr/client and she responded with "I think we should keep our Dr/Friend relationship intact it is beneficial and healthy"...Now I have been thinking does she really consider me a friend or is she keeping it dr./client in her mind and telling me we are friends...
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and until now I could not imagine her not being in my life but lately this not being able to call her as a friend is really getting to me...Cavi
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I am really impressed with your insight.. pretty dang mature.
What you're describing here is at the root of the problem with trying to be 'friends' with a therapist. A friendship is reciprocal, worked out between the two people to meet each others' needs. That's hard to do when the relationship has its origins in the context of therapy. Therapists traditionally restrict a client's access. Clients are generally encouraged to think of the relationship as being one-way, all about them (the client). The therapist's needs are not supposed to enter the equation. This dynamic is crucial to therapy being effective, and it works very, very well. I remember being in crisis one time. It was because of a therapeutic rupture. My therapist found out, I'd written her a harsh, accusatory email. She called me and moved heaven and earth to get me in to see her ASAP. I texted her, expressing misgivings about inconveniencing her, I didn't want to accept the time she offered. She responded "I'll take care of me. You just be there." That was such a powerful statement! And think about it.. as my therapist, it was her job to
make sure that I did not concern myself with her needs. She was supposed to be acutely focused on my needs, but I wasn't allowed to even consider hers - other than being on time and compensating her. A friendship would not survive long if it was imbalanced like that - but a therapy relationship depends on the imbalance.
It surprises me that your therapist doesn't seem to 'get it.' She's referring to it as a 'friendship,' but it's not. And I think that her attempt to make it seem like it is could ultimately be very painful to you and harmful to your therapeutic progress.
Your therapist's first priority should be to protect the therapeutic relationship.