...I find music to be such an intense trigger for me.

like right now I want to play some, put on some tunes I KNOW I like but I am pretty much terrified!

how silly ridiculous hey?

...it's a full body and mind transportation into memories and flashbacks that...well getting there aint the problem, thats easy...but coming back getting back to stable takes enormous effort.

...music destabilises me it's that powerful I have had breakdowns when vulnerable and playing music that has meaning to my life.

It's a real drag...I really want to listen to some Nirvana right now but it's likey to make me drink alot and then write like a madman and it could go on for days....it might sound weird?

I get hardcore emotional I want to FEEL this way but it hurts so bad later trying to squeeeeze myself back into reality.

it's totally calm ...or it's totally out there. difficult choices