1: it's tricky...I get paranoia episodes that just wreck me with anxiety. the worst ones I get these days involve where I live.

I live in group of apartments and there is no doubt I am the 'ill' one here. ambulances and police only have ever come here for me. My stability with home is so important or I will be on the street. I believe insistently that the other people are out to get me removed sometimes. when two or more vehicles arrive as the others get home from wherever I am certain they have been having meetings about me, talking about me despising me.

I can stay inside for days going crazy about it! the thing with paranoia I discovered ages ago is that I have to act as best I can as though what I imagine is happening aint happening even though I am so completely convinced otherwise. I basically "hope" it away. desperately.

eventually when I'm confident enough and emerge from the depression I go outside and nothings changed much.

so heres how it works...I have the 'paranoid' thought....and I have the 'thought that challenges it'...like a bad guy and a good guy....I just try focus on the good guy until more evidence arrives to show the bad guy wasn't there.

2: credibility and dignity I get from just getting on with the things I was doing better when I was well...takes a bit of time maybe not much... most everybody else are not aware of how insecure I am and just be gettin on with their own stuff yep.

....sorry such a long reply BB