BB, I think the first step is to trust yourself and not consider yourself "mad", at least not in a bad way. You are sick, not "crazy".

Yes, sometimes you cannot trust your thoughts. But this happens on some level even to healthy people. Some sane people commit suicide after a break-up, for example; in the moment, they are not thinking clearly. Some sane people value their jobs above their families and have other thoughts and feelings that could be seen as irrational.

I know that it is scary to not be able to trust your own thoughts. This happens to me a lot, especially when trying to determine whether something I've seen or heard was real or a hallucination. Something that I've found that helps is that in many cases it does not matter whether a given thought is "real" or not. For example, I sometimes hear music. Maybe it is coming from somewhere, but maybe it is a hallucination. Does it matter? No! I should just enjoy the music. In your situation, does it much matter whether or not your doctor sent the parade to punish you? Not really. The parade won't kill you, even if it is a punishment. Even in situations where you feel paranoid for your life (I sometimes think that someone has poisoned my drink because he is after me, for example), everyone dies somehow, so it doesn't really matter. Does this make sense?

Also, you are on A LOT of psychoactive medication. Your meds could be affecting your ability to think clearly. Maybe you could go off of some of your meds, or find a pdoc who will prescribe less for you?