Solost,

I think only Job and Joseph in the Bible know how you must feel. They suffered unjustly, too. I'm sure that the families of the dead and wounded in Aurora, Colorado are also suffering. Life isn't fair. You sound like a strong person who wants to do what is right. This sounds like depression and despair that come after mania in bipolar disorder. I think you should see a psychiatrist as well as a therapist. Perhaps medication at this point will help the anxiety and appetite. Have you tried Ensure to keep your strength up?

My heart goes out to you. May you find some grace and peace in something or someone.