It sounds like you are trying to work through for yourself the difference between his trying to intimidate you and you allowing it versus your being tired of it and not wanting to put up with his attempts.

His sulky attitude about your behavior and complaints that you are telling T on him, etc. is just as much an attempt at intimidation as if he were to say, "talk about X and I will leave you/not go to therapy/tell everyone about Y", etc.

I would decide what I wanted, if you feel he is/has been trying to intimidate you and you want help dealing with that (not stopping his attempts, that is his problem/choice, how he wants to behave; you and/or T cannot change that, only he can) then bring it up both during therapy and at the time it happens. If he does/does not want to go to therapy and help fix the marriage, that's up to him. But you have to be clear what you want for yourself and put that into action. You can allow him to intimidate you or not allow him to intimidate you but he may/may not still try to intimidate you (probably will keep trying as long as you keep allowing).