I have to go to a wedding today. I feel so nervous about the crowds and people I won't know. I'm going as a date, so I might not know anyone. And I'm having some racing thoughts, **** what if I talk to fast to people or talk nonstop and they nod politely, or the opposite could happen!

Last wedding I was supposed to go to, I missed because I was having a meltdown. The bride my friend still hasn't forgiven me. When I started to explain to her about my depression (she is a psychotherapist, I thought she might understand) and was about to tell her I newly had a BPII dx, she told me her mom was BP and they don't get along, so I did not end up telling her.

Then at another wedding, my friend the bride was starting to have a meltdown, and I told her it will be ok, she can always get a divorce doh!! Luckily she laughed and said she's just stressed about the lei's and headwreaths not about marrying him. What was I thinking? sheesh!

I think maybe weddings are just stressful for me and I will hopefully feel better after a shower. Thanks for letting me ramble and process my mixed up thoughts and feelings.