Hi all, this is my first post here on this board. Thanks for reading.

So yesterday I had an appointment with a therapist; the first time I have ever talked with a therapist. Honestly, I didn't really have any clearcut goals in mind or specific plan of action; I just needed a sounding board to talk to someone about a bunch of thoughts going through my mind the past few years that have been really confusing and weighing heavily on me. I told her during our initial consultation that I wanted to talk to a therapist because I wasn't quite at the stage to disclose these specific thoughts I have to a friend/relative, and she understood.

So this whole past week leading up to the appt. I went back and forth between being excited to being nervous and worried, wondering if I had done the right thing, should I cancel the appt., etc. But I thought, no, I'm going forward with it; I initiated this and I'm not backing out. So I prepared like I was getting ready for a test; taking a lot of notes, sorting out my thoughts, planning out what I was going to say and in what order.

I knew being nervous was normal, but I guess I just thought that after the session, I'd feel like a heavy weight was being lifted (I disclosed feelings that I have never told a person face to face before) and I'd feel a whole lot better, but in all honesty, I didn't. She didn't say anything earth shattering or tell me any new advice that I hadn't read before. Also, she was very forward and direct, which was kind of shocking to me in a way. I was very tentative going in, like taking baby steps, and she made suggestions that took me aback, like, "woah there! easy now!". I left the session thinking, "hmm...is this going to be helpful? Do I want to continue with her? Or am I just being chicken about this?"

I guess in all honesty, everything she said, the advice she gave, was absolutely right, but in a way it wasn't quite delivered in the way I wanted to hear. Maybe that's what I DO need to hear, but it was hard to digest. I was expecting someone to sense my tentativeness, metaphorically hold my hand, tell me it's okay, take your time...but no, not with this woman. She seemed full steam ahead, like "get over yourself and get on with it!" I know they're not supposed to judge, but I'm sensing I left her scratching her head a bit about me.

I know it's just the first session, and maybe I should go a few more times, but I'm not sure. She asked me if I wanted to come back, and I said I'll think about it, so we left it at that. But she was helpful, gave me some food for thought, so maybe I'm okay for now. I don't know, just wondering if other people got scared off after their first visit?