I wish I could get a grip and not be all over the place. I am on a mood stabilizer, but it does not seem to be helping much, except for the fact that my lupus is more under control pain wise...LOL. (I am Dx with childhood Bi-polar going on 23 years ago) we took our kids to the county fair and saw a dance group there. My 4 yo daughter wanted to join them, and all I could do is whisper in her ear "that used to be mommy.... Mommy used to move like that... Mommy used to dance just like that girl..." and so on and so forth. I kept choking back tears and tried not to blubber, you see my daughter has ASD and we dont know if she will be able to do organised activities, or even school, which she starts this fall as a special ed case... and even that upsets me, not the going to school part, but the part that she has gotten to a point I cant help her anymore... like I said I am all over the place, between that, my "marriage" being a disaster my family telling me I am not fit to be a parent because my disability is getting in the way.... I just want to lock my self up somewhere and be forgotten and then no one would have to "deal" with me anymore....