I'm really stressed out lately because of several things happening. I'm going to keep this post short (well, shorter than it could be), because it could be really long, and I don't have time to post as much as I'm feeling, plus I don't have the inclination to.

One problem is solved, that of our air conditioner not working. It's been fixed, but my bf doesn't turn it up high enough for me, so I'm still kind of hot, and getting sweaty and hot makes me tense, which brings on my heat and sweat, and that makes my OCD worse. Even though the main problem with the a.c. is fixed, the stress of the days without it has added up. I've avoided touching some things (and thus, doing some things), because I wanted to wait till I got clean again, and could feel normal again.

Today, a bunch of things have happened that add up to a bad day. Things that should have been done weren't, and things I'd planned have to be changed now. This will postpone me feeling a little more normal. Inside, I feel dirty and it's been several days now, and I want to burst out crying. I haven't so far, because I don't want to delve further into that awful feeling, but I feel like the tears will come, sooner or later.

On top of everything, my bf is having car problems. His car is currently in the shop, and he has a rental car, which I can't ride in, because I can't ride in used cars or other people's cars. He may not get his car back until Monday. I have tickets to the movies Sunday (free, because of a Pepsi promotion), and may not be able to go. I want to get out of this apartment so bad. The people fixing my bf's car say it will cost upwards of $2200, plus he has to get his clutch replaced, or it will cost even more in the future. And there's another problem that will eventually need fixing, which will cost around $1,000. He says he will have to stop buying me books like he does every week, which had already been reduced to one day a weekend, because he can't afford it. I understand that, but it adds a lot of stress and depression to me, because I look forward to that one thing every week. It's one of the few things I really enjoy; there's nothing else we can afford to do that I really, really like.

I want to feel "normal" again, and be able to relax and do the things I normally do. I just needed to vent. I can't tell my bf what I'm really going through, because he's stressed out enough, and when I talk about my problems to him, he gets more stressed. I hate being a burden to him. I wish I lived alone in my own house, so I wouldn't have to be a burden to anyone.