I used to be the same way... in fact I am still the same way, but with out the cutting, I try to talk my self out of things, I keep telling people all I want is to be happy... but I keep failing and keep transferring my emotions on to others then blaming them for my unhappiness. also, when you have done something over and over you condition your mind to keep doing those things, like when you were younger and were being taught how to bathe, say your abc's etc, you did not question why you just did them.... maybe you put yourself in a loop that you just have to learn how to break out of....