I dont know if others feel this but I think my life sucks. I do not understand why I have these negative thoughts. The thoughts of doing si and having suicidal idealizations for no apparent reason except to feel the pain makes no sense to me, the pdoc and t thinks there is something behind them but I have no idea what that is. All I know is that doing certain things like si helps why should I quit. Its others that cannot deal with the scars not me. I just wish all the negative thoughts would end, but I dont see them ending after dealing with them for 20 some years. sorry for rambling.