Thanks everyone.

I've started a codpedency support group, which is probably similiar to al-anon but maybe even a better fit for me.

I really want to have a serious talk with him and not just jump back into things (which I know he always wants to do). I don't want anger and rage and conflict and him leaving when he gets upset. Maybe he's ready for this but it's hard for me to trust.

I managed to hold him off today, told him I have a big day tomorrow so I think he's getting the picture that I'm serious. But I wonder how much responsbility he's still going to be willing to take for things going badly. If I have to point it out to him I'm afraid he might just try to blame it all on me again and get frustrated.

I have not taken good care of myself the last two weeks, another reason I'm not ready to see him. I need a day or two just to physically get back on my feet. And I seriously can't miss work. It makes me sad I'm that worried about his affect on me. It's hard to draw boundaries with someone like him as I don't think he ever learned any with his family. They are nice people but ...

I have mentioned therapy to him before. I want ot know if he was going manic and what his mental state is now. I want to know him texting me wasn't just an impulse and he's really ready to make a go of this for real now and lay everything on the table, honestly.

If he can want me today he should still want to put in the effort on Wednesday.

I did notice he defriended the other girl on facebook ...another ex girlfriend he seemed to run to when we broke up.

My gut feeling says he knew how that looked to me and to others but I really don't know what he's been up to and maybe am afraid to find out.

Thanks, maybe just writing all this out helps me get my thoughts straight and ready. Maybe I should have just seen him tonight and gotten it over with ..hopefully more time doesn't make things worse.

But I also want him to know he can't walk back in when it's convienient for him.