i hope this group is active as this is my first post. im 26, has a bf, and no kids as i am living at home because of no jobs. i am so not motivated to do anything because of the job situation and lack of support i have always had for a long time. the only support is my bf who has been there for me when my old friends disowned me because of my family life (very long story).

i started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago (have my appt this tues) about add/adhd and my family life. we r gonna talk more about my family issues to get to the underlying issues. my therapist has no idea i am still living at home as i am using my bf's address so family assistance/des won't come to my house that would be a cold war battle.

all my life, i never had anything positive going on. i never believed in goal settings thought it was full of crap thats what my parents thought too as they never taught us anything. beliefs in my family doesnt exist, my parents are hypocrites and walking contradictions. they are both narcs, sociopaths, professional liars, etc and the other above mental disorders out there.

ppl always ask me how come i dont have determination to do anything i said if u knew what kind of parents i had u would know why. honestly, i dont know what positive thinking, goal setting, determination, and motivation means because it was never taught to me and my parents dont even have it thats what we (4 of us) saw growing up. once in a while, i have any of those that i just mentioned and most of the time it is gone. when i do want to strive better, my parents feel it is stupid yet they are not the ones who are helping and when ppl do help i end up not wanting to be helped because my parents feel it is a waste of time and my mom said "black ppl have gone thru 400 yrs of slavery with no help so why would we need anyone to help us?"

yea, she still says that to this day. when ppl say you should do this or that or give me something positive, i thank them like it is a compliment. hell, i dont know any better and not sure what to think/feel/believe anymore these days. i told my therapist i can not feel i can do a good job on anything without some kind of guidance. real healing won't take place while i am at home living in a hostile environment and my bf gives me positive feedback i look at him blankly like huh? what does that mean? it will only take place having my own place. nothing in my head seems to click as my spirit was killed at 10 yrs old.

life was hard at age 10, a mini adult for a lack of parents i have. my parents never believed in helping a child out that its their job to do not the parents job to do never heard anything so stupid! my parents' lives are way more important than their own family. i know ppl say positive things to me i just dont believe what i hear and my therapist is gonna work on me about that later on.

i am a college graduate from 2 yrs ago and was attending a university after comm college but fell into financial probation and now i owe them money. i am so stressed its not even funny. i have zero money meaning i maxed out my old checking account 2 yrs ago during the fire incident we had in our old unit and have to rebuild my assets. i never/barely had any happy days in my life, who can be happy with no income? i want to do something but i have nothing and nobody else will help me. my parents refuse to help always saying the 40s-50s era was good living like it is today the dumbasses! nobody cares bout their time era the 21st century is not the 20th century.

i have looked in all avenues to improve my financial standpoint but nothing. i have no other skills to do my own business again i feel i have no hope in myself. i do have computer skills but need to improve them and i dont want to own my biz in computers. my old friends got tired of me being so depressed and negative all the time yet they knew thats the family atmosphere i came from!! ppl always ask me why dont u smile? i said how do u smile with no money? how do u smile when u r still living at home in a toxic environment? thats when they are thrown off when i say that but its true yet they don't have a real answer for me.

my parents made me feel like **** my whole life that i cant do anything these days. so what am i suppose to do? i dont have emotions when someone says you can do this or that blah blah put ur mind to it, yea my mind died long ago. i dont have motivation or something that will pull me out and if i had a better family, i wouldn't be the person i am today in this **** hole of a ****in family! when you have no real parents, how can you have hope to do anything? children always look to their parents for hope i couldn't do that growing up. all they do and still do is make bad decisions and dont care about it.

i have looked to other ppl who were a good inspiration but it still dont click i do not know why. i do pray to God about it but have not heard an answer.

any advice/suggestions?