I sometimes think I prefer the numbness as well, but deep down I know that's not healthy. I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but when I'm detached to the bad feelings I'm also detached to the good. I've been told that with time, as I start to feel more, i'll become better at regulating my emotions. Currently they bubble up in intense bursts. I think I'm just lucky that it doesn't tend to happen at work. Do other distractions work for you when things get to be too much? It doesn't always work, but sometimes it helps me to get lost in a good book or movie.