maven...having suffered with ocd most of my life..and i'm 56..lol...i truly understand all your stressors even if other people don't...the one thing that popped into my head was about the books that you like to get each week because i love books also.....how about you and your boyfriend get a library card and he can still pick you up a book or magazine weekly but it won't cost anything?.....just a thought....hope you feel better soon....if you ever need to chat....pm me