I believe that to a point. I know t hat I don't HAVE to do things alone but sometimes its definately for the best to go with what I think is right for me.

For example I set my own therapy projects and I made a promise to SKR that I would not attempt completing this project on my own when we chose a new therapist. She did not want me to do this alone because in the past with another therapist working on memory work around a nightmare resulted in my having major flashbacks tot he point where I was coming out of them cut. from acting out that flashback while it was happening. I had also while dissociated had thrown a table at SKR.

Well my new therapist LL and I took time to get to know eachother and I slowly explained parts of this project to her over a course of 2-3 years as I knew she was ready to know those parts of the project. You cant just walk in to therapy one day and say here see this we are going to use hypnotic techniques and this scale model house to get rid of a nightmare and oh by the way I'm a cutter during flashbacks and I throw tables when I dissociate into one of my memory pieces and expect that therapist to say ok sure lets do it. I may feel like Im nuts but Im not crazy about therapist s

So I took the scale model house in and from time to time we would put it together.

anyway long story short the co workers in her office are raising hell about my project because all they saw was this scale model house sitting in one of the offices, not that the room isn't large enough to accomodate it and be used while its in there. They felt we HAD to get working on it. For a few months now they have been pushing LL into getting it worked on. Well after a few months of that they have recently set a deadline for which we have to be done with this project.

I made that promise to SKR that I would not do this project alone so when LL told me her co workers have set a deadline for the project. I said ok lets do it. I could tell she wasn't comfortable yet with all aspects of what I was doing with the work SKR and I had planned for working on my nightmare but she was setting the appointments anyway to accomodate her co workers request for specifically working on my nightmare and this house I honored my promise to SKR and for two weeks I tried forcing myself to hurry up and get done with this project.

It resulted in my not being able to do even the stuff that I had already been working on before these fools started interferring with there hurry up and get done stone age attitudes. Everytime LL and I tried to work on it I couldnt say anything. At home this stone age attitude of a deadline on how long I can work on having this nightmare and then be done with it made it so that I got angry and could not do any writing, drawing or anything else.

What happened was everytime I tried to work on this nightmare I ened up writing rants against this deadline and those people pushing LL and I to get done. A few days ago I finally made a decision - If SKR was still my therapist we would be disregarding those fools and continuing at my pace so that tables didn't get thrown and so on. If I continue working with LL on this it would be at her co workers terms not LL's and mine. and doing things with a therapist when the therapist is not ready or comfortable is a worse danger then doing things alone. I may end up cutting again, or having major flashbacks or retreating into la la land more then I do now but I only have two choices - do this with LL and on her co workers terms or do it on my own.

So yesterday before I went to therapy I printed off one of many of my journal entries this week about this deadline and my project and my decision to bring it home and do this on my own. I made sure the entry I took in was one that was not only a rant but also my looking at all sides of the situation.

Well when LL read it she asked if she could show the mediator of this problem between LL and her co workers because what I had wrote in my journal entry was exactly what she had been trying to get everyone to understand about the cnsequenses of them requiring her to push me into working on the project and "get done" with it when I wasn't ready and so on. I told her sure go ahead and let her know when a friend and I would be in next week to pick up the project and bring it home.

In some ways yes people are stronger with a team but in other cases the teamwork approach actually hinders and causes more damage then good.

So when working in teams I also do not lese track of what I feel is right for me. and if what the team says is hindering instead of healing I look at what I need not what the team needs.