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Thank you both for your reply’s.
It's still seems that one way or another things are short lived for myself or they never really were going right or good. It always seems I was just being delusional to the truth or how I am in life or towards other people and it's always me that's wrong and unacceptable or causing upset, annoyance to others in direct or indirect ways. However I never attend for this to happen but it's just naturally how and what I am like. It seems silly for me to ever consider in even trying to live through this I would ever be a person like you consider other or how I would have like to be like by now or even if possible how I would like to be like once I have grown up from this stage and time in my life. I think mainly my problem is I consider I could take this emotional pain and feelings and how it physically makes me feel but really I can take this or accept feeling like this. However I am scared and don't want to complete do what would stop this, I always thought that was the answer my only option. Part of me feels guilty and bad for not doing this like I am dodging my punishment so to speak. Even though no one should have to do that or feel like this is the only option. I am still being as weak and horrible in not doing this as I am in still living. Please don’t think I don’t know just how horrible and wrong I am as a person but even so that’s not enough it never is. I don’t know what or how to correct myself or life to ever be acceptable or just a person who allowed to live and have some form of a life in the way they would like.
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