I can relate to this, and I think it definitely goes back to unmet needs in childhood. By choosing people who are unable to care for you, or take care of you, you are repeating something that went wrong, probably in very early childhood, perhaps pre-verbally, in the hope that somehow things will be "repaired" or resolved. Or in some perverse way, there may be some unconscious attraction to repeating old traumas ......How to make better choices in the future? I have no clue, except for knowing what qualities not to look for..... and learning self-care and self-soothing on a deep level. I hope that I have not "bummed" anyone out with this reply. I often ask myself the same questions and feel the same things....I would recommend "Love's Executioner" by Irvin Yalom (sp?),. It is one of the most interesting books I have read, insightful, poignant and sometimes humourous....

Take care,
Fuzzy