hey. yeah, i think i'll ask her. usually with t's... i find it really hard to talk about stuff... they liked it when i emailed them 'cause they would haul out the email in the next session and we would talk about it then. gave us something to talk about. i don't know... i'm just feeling very alienated from my t at the moment. have no idea when i'm going to see her again. hard for me to say i want to see her again (feel rejected and feel stupid for wanting to see her). and she will pick up on that most probably and think i don't want to see her so she will be aloof and schedule me in a couple weeks. and then i'll just feel worse. and i can't do it by phone but i wish i could email her. tell her i'm not doing so well :-(

i feel bad about attachment. i feel dirty and pathetic and clingy and i am afraid that they are laughing at me. or trying to figure ways to hurt me or something. i dont' trust people very easily... things are falling apart rather... but i can't tell her :-(