My son's been manic for about 4 days now. And I'm positive it's not meth, we've been testing and he's on probation yada yada. The first couple days I was able to reason with him and he agreed to take the lithium, I try to have it be his idea rather than force him to take it, plus he's now taller and stronger than me, I couldn't force him if I tried.

The past 2 days have been pretty hellish. He tried to go to his old dealer's house yesterday, I was able to stop it. But he's cringing for meth, screaming at us, yelling **** you neighborhood out on our porch. Saying he wants to die, then saying he just wants things different, he wants to have friends, he wants to be able to keep a girlfriend, he wants to not be such an asshole to everyone. Then he flips back to pissed off yelling calling me names. Then he's crying sorry and wants to watch a movie.

I am freakin EXHAUSTED! I'm trying to play calm and cool parent and talk him through all this, but it triggers me! Now it's Monday I havent been able to focus on work. I want to go stay in a hotel and hide in a comfy bed and hide from him. But I love him more than anything, this is my baby boy whose now 16 with BP. I'm trying real hard to keep it together and not start crying uncontrollably. I have to keep it together right now, not the space to lose it. So I'm panicky too.

We have his pdoc appt in an hour, but I'm dreading it because my son has been yelling at me that he doesn't want to go, that he will just refuse the meds. He gets such severe rage during mania, so the meds are pretty necessary at this point. I can't keep having my house destroyed. I think I will talk to the pdoc about this and maybe having him talk to the probation officer to mandate he take the meds. This goes against what I believe in - forcing someone to take meds. But this is what I have to do to keep him safe right? This is tearing me up, I feel really nutz right now. I hate this day, I don't want to do any of this. But I must, so here we go to pdoc town.