I know I didn't do anything wrong. I feel dumb for holding out any sliver of hope I have because I still feel like we aren't done. But maybe it's just me who is not done and I am in denial.

I stopped writing him emails because whenever I do(I wrote him 3 times, pouring my heart out) I don't get a response. I don't know if it even effects him.

But I write him a letter every day in a word document so I write him without really writing him.

I feel so sick, stupid, and I feel like such a pathetic sucker. The phone will ring and I'll look at the color id and hope it's him. It never is.

Part of me doesn't expect him to come back to someone like me, but part of me holds out hope that when we got married the love was real and that he might come back.

Right now I just go through the motions of the day, pretending not to hurt. I wash baby clothes, do the dishes, sweep the floor, but inside I am empty. And I feel guilty because I shouldn't feel empty...I have a precious daughter about to be born.

I feel like a monster.