Hey all. I didn't really want to post this anywhere else b/c this is the only board that I ever go to, so I apologize in advance if this isn't on-topic, but I need to talk to someone.
I graduated in May with a Masters from a really good school but with a completely useless, super-academic degree. I have been looking for a job since before I graduated and have had no luck. I have been on a couple interviews but they did not go well. I went on one interview that did go really well, and I emailed them while on vacation with my family when I hadn't gotten a response. They sent me back a really positive email apologizing for not getting back and saying they had really liked me but they didn't know whether they would be expanding the program enough to hire me. However, the email they sent was so positive that I got my hopes up, then a week later I got an email saying they would not be expanding and couldn't hire me. After this, I started getting really depressed. Now I am back from vacation and back in NYC and I just feel awful. Most of the other jobs I interviewed for where Americorps jobs, meaning they weren't technically "real" jobs but service opportunities, which means they are more lax on hiring standards. The thing is, is that those jobs are pretty much all taken now, so I have to start looking exclusively for real jobs and not Americorps jobs. I am getting SO depressed, feeling hopeless and stupid and useless. I want to go back to school for social work, but I can't even start applying until the fall so I will have to wait another year until I go back to school. And even then, I need to take a couple psych classes at Hunter College, and they haven't gotten back to me as to whether I've been accepted as a non-degree student or not. I just feel like I am in a long deep dark tunnel with no way out. I hate feeling so useless, especially b/c my friends (they are all older than me but still) got practical MA degrees and pretty much all have jobs.
I also know that sooner or later I am going to run out of money, but I am to the point where I don't even care that much because I just feel so horrible and hopeless. I know that if I run out of money and don't have enough to pay my rent I might have to go back to stripping, which I don't want to do, and especially not in New York, where the phsysical standards are so much higher and you have to pay the clubs a ton of money to work, and especially not when I am this depressed. I would even do volunteer work right now just to get out of the house and feel useful, so I emailed some places today but they didn't get back to me.
Sorry for venting all this. I haven't seen my T for a month, I will see her on Friday though for a double session. I was on vacation and now she is on vacation so I don't want to email her, and I figure I will see her on Friday so I can wait to talk to her, especially b/c I already sent her a couple emails the past couple weeks so I don't want to seem too needy. But I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I don't think my friends know how depressed I am, or maybe it is hard to express it to them, I don't know. I just needed to write this and ask for support because I am feeling really low right now, I think the lowest I've felt in two years since I moved to the city. I just don't know what to do and I feel so completely hopeless.

Trigger:
Sometimes I have suicidal ideation when I get really depressed, which I am feeling now. It is hard feeling this way because you do feel like there is no way out. I don't think I would actually do anything but I remember having these feelings two years ago when I first moved here.