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Jul 23, 2012, 07:36 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2009
Posts: 10,045
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Summary
- The air conditioning failed on a hot day.
- I became irrational and pre-suicidal in the heat.
- Hospitalization helped my body but not my mind.
The Story
Several weeks ago the air conditioning failed on one of those super-hot days. I noticed this in the morning when the indoor temperature read 79F/26C. The repairmen were swamped with other calls and only promised to come as soon as possible. Throughout the day the temperature rose slowly; by late afternoon it was 90F/32C indoors.
I expected to be uncomfortable in the heat. What took me by surprise was the dramatic effect of the heat on my psyche. By about 5:00 pm. the last bits of my rationality were fleeing and I was pre-suicidal.
A crisis counselor felt it was best I go to a hospital. At that moment I resolutely and irrationally made it my goal to get to the closest hospital. As I no longer drive, my determination to get help took the form of marching 2.5 miles / 4 kilometers through the 106F/41C weather to that nearest hospital. Calling for an ambulance or taxi never entered my mind.
The events of the next 24 hours are confused: questions about insurance, blood tests, IVs, queries regarding my intents to harm myself or others, and a midnight ride in an ambulance when a government hospital reached out and grabbed me, claiming jurisdiction.
At the end of the forced march to the first hospital my suicidality had drowned in exhaustion. Tests indicated I was suffering from both kidney and liver stress, and some pains down my left side in concert with the heat and certain medications I take raised concerns over possible muscle breakdown (rhabdomyolysis).
Beyond the irony of possibly injuring myself or worse in an attempt to get help to avoid suicide, the hospital experience itself was counter-therapeutic. Oh, they rehydrated me, but in the process enclosed me in an environment that drove my agoraphobic, depressed, anxious self back to the brink. My blood results eventually returned to the acceptable, and I put on my best act, supplying the “right answers” to make sure the medicos had no reason to hold me longer than necessary.
The repairmen couldn't address the a/c problem for a few days, but they left a cooling unit sufficient for the bedroom as a stopgap measure. I hid myself in that room for the next few days until the repairs were completed.
Lessons Learned (applicable to me, not necessarily anyone else)
- Heat is a threat not only to my body but also to what remains of my rational mind. In the future I will have to treat similar mechanical failures as emergencies.
- I need to find ways of dealing with psychological crises that avoid hospitalization. My psychiatrist is right; institutionalization would probably not be beneficial for me.
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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