Zen, your post could have been written by me, it is so close to my own situation. And if I recall correctly, you have talked about feelings of neglect and being ignored by your parents, which is also close to my own situation, so maybe there is some connection...we are looking for care that we did not find as children. I cannot speak for you, but I know the reason that I tend to "choose poorly" is because since I have such a need to be taken care of, I coose quickly rather than well, if that makes sense.

Being single, I am in a slightly different situation than you, but all of my therapists have suggested that I remain single until I learn to "take care of myself". Because when it comes right down to it, if we are missing our own sense of self, no other person can provide it for us. One visualization technique that has helped me a lot with my feelings of loneliness and neediness is to close my eyes and visualize myself as a small child, and then visualize my adult self picking up the child and hugging her and comforting her the way I wish I had been held and comforted. It may sound kind of silly, but it has been very helpful for me.

Anyway, understanding your behavior is a first step, but I think to really make better choices, it is also important to be able to find in yourself some of the caretaking that you have been looking for in others.

*lots of hugs*
mj