I have felt dead inside for 20-ish years. I am only just finding out now that it is because I am apparently cut off from my emotions and it is an automatic defense mechanism type thing. It is quite boring being like this, isn't it? Boring and 2 dimensional. Nothing has much substance, really.

Apparently to fix it we have to somehow reconnect those emotions and I'm not sure how they do that. SOmething to do with the content of the conversations in therapy... she asks particular things and observes me as i respond to them. It is really hard and I am starting to see WHY I did it in the first place - its because the alternative is 900 times worse!! The world is a horrible place to be in when you aren't numb! It is crazy.