So, I've been seeing a new T since like the end of May. I haven't heard from Ex-T since then, but I made him promise to send me an email to tell me if he was going into private practice or what (he was a student, and not really sure what he was going to do...)

I received this email today:

Hello (InTherapy),

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to inform you that I recently took a job at a community mental health agency, (name). As a result, I will not be pursuing private practice for at least the next two years. I hope that you continue your work with (T2) and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Sincerely,

(Ex-T)

This is the email I composed, but I can't seem to make myself send it. I know that once I do, that will be the LAST contact I will EVER have with him (unless I cross a boundary - which I don't want to do.) I just... can't stand the finality of it!

Here's what I wrote (but have NOT sent).

Hi (Ex-T),

Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate that you kept your word.

I was really bummed at first when you left, but I think things have worked out for the best. At the time I would have denied it, but you were right: I had grown too attached to you. Even if you were in private practice, coming to see you again would not be in my best interest. Starting over with (T2) gave me a chance to avoid making the same mistake.

I have every intention of continuing on with (T2). She is kind and competent, although maybe not as funny as you. We're working on DBT skills together and (boyfriend) says he's seeing continual improvement. I am, too. I still have a ways to go, of course, but I'm after progress, not perfection.

I want you to know that I am very thankful for our time together. You left me with the impression that therapists could be kind, caring, empathetic, intelligent, non-judgmental people. If the first person I tried to see had been someone like (incompetent DBT therapist), I probably would have given up on the whole institution and given up on seeking help. Maybe I would have even given up on myself.

So, thank you. I'm very grateful to you and will remember you fondly.

Good luck with your new job and wherever life may take you.

Wear Boots. :-) (inside joke)

Sincerely,
(InTherapy)

I'm scared to send it. I feel like crying just at the thought. I will be a mess once I do send it! If I send it. I figure I have a week to respond without it looking weird.

I'm just...

I could really use some support right now.
I had a crush on T, bad. The thought of never seeing or speaking to him again...