well, i certainly know that feeling. Very very well I think.

You're sad, of course, because it meant something to you. That has meaning and deserves to be honored. It's a loss. A change.

That doesn't mean honoring sadness is a thrill a minute, because, well, it isn't.

But it is what it is, sadness and grief, all very real. One hard thing for me to learn is that I don't have to do anything with sadness, (panic is a little different though).

Sadness will not overwhelm and will come in waves. Given enough space to do so, those feelings will dissapate on their own.

Each wave will be different, some big, some small, some a tsunami, but I can promise you that they all end up on the shore.

Be very very very very careful with that ativan. It is an anxiety bomb. You will remember that feeling of relief very very well and are likely to return to it.

The good/bad news is that you will likely never experience the same feeling with it again unless or until you are that anxious again.

I think we are both just riding these waves until we get on firmer ground. Not a bad thing at all.

Just life.