(((Tinkerbell))) - you're grieving and its natural for all these questions, what if's and reflection to surface. I've gone through a fare amount of family loss - for some reason its seems natural for all kinds of past memories and emotions to surface. Grief tests our strength and we wonder how we'll have the strength - just when we think we're so weak, the strength comes.

All you can do is learn how to live your life better. God wants you to live your life completely ....not stop living because a loved one died. I remember when I was 27 and my mother had her 1st massive stroke - she was near death and I prayed for God to take me instead. I now know that was wrong of me to say. It takes time but you will get through this - hugs to you and your family during this difficult time.