Yeah, I have this. I don't know why, if it's growing up or going crazy or what. I've been really mourning the loss of my motivation and talent lately. I used to love maths and physics (esp. the theoretical stuff), I learned languages like you wouldn't believe (I used to speak nine - now it's more like 4/5), I volunteered and was in clubs and all sorts of stuff. Now, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings.

It's weird everybody's talking about the philosophy interest. I've always loved philosophy, and indeed my first degree (pre-dx) was in classical philosophy. Yet the docs seemed to want to take my interest in that as a sign of psychosis as apparently a lot of people turn to philosophy when they first show symptoms. I think a lot of people on the verge of a dx turn to brain sciences and philosophy for alternative explanations of what they experience, because honestly what psychiatry says is very degrading and demoralising. Who wants to have a "brain disorder" that is "lifelong" and "permanent" and "untreatable"?? Nobody, and certain not if there is an alternative explanation with equally valid foundations.

I think part of that is that I really dislike my job and where my life has gone. Also, I've got really tired of fighting so many structural obstacles that are put in the way of people with sz diagnoses. I was studying law when I got diagnosed, and the uni I was attending tried to (illegally) force me out. Then I stayed, but I was super-drugged/electroshocked for years and didn't do so well for a lot of it. And I was fighting my way out of psychiatry, which was not exactly easy. When I finally escaped about three years ago, I discovered that the diagnosis was--for no good reason--appearing on my criminal record, so I had to fight that still in law school. I had a mini-break down during the bar exams this year and ended up in a position where I probably can't be a barrister after all, even though I passed. Now I'm in another law suit, this time for clinical negligence and I've recently filed criminal charges against three men who raped me in the past. And that's on top of all the more minor discrimination and harassment to which I've been subjected. It's just . . . too damn much. I don't have motivation to actually *do* anything on top of all that. I can imagine a lot of people feel the same way.