****hugs****

Thank you everyone for your support. It makes me happy that I found this place... otherwise I'd be suffering in silence and that wouldn't be at all beneficial.

My mood today hasn't been that great, but on the upside I've only felt like quitting school half a dozen times. (I'm studying statistics in psychology for an upcoming exam ... I HATE math, I don't get it at all).

I got a psychoeducational assessment done for learning disabilities and surprise surprise, guess who has one? ME!

Its localized to mathematics (numbers, sequences, formulas) and memory (numerical, logical, working memory and visual).

^ That in itself is enough to make me more miserable than usual. Not it in itself (I knew I was behind in those areas) but the overall effect that it has.

My learning strategist (through my university) told me that without these deficiencies that I could be considered "gifted". That makes me horribly sad, because that would mean I could have been like both of my younger sisters (both gifted, *sighs*)

Try try try ... and fail.

What in the world makes any of this trying stuff worth it? People keep saying that I should be happy with what I'm at right now, and to stop trying so hard. This is from the people who say I'm never going to make anything of myself.

Its so hard to change cognitive distortions when most people just keep compounding all of my internal problems. I already feel worthless, I wish they'd just quit with their negativity. I'm already a pessimist (or a realist, at my best).

Sorry for the ramble. I should be studying, but every time I quiz myself I wind up making stupid mistakes and its killing me. I know I could do well if I could just stop thinking "I'm going to fail". But how do I do that? I basically always do.