i realized that i the intrusive thoughts have always been there since a certain point in my life but nothing like what exists when i am on the Benzatropine it over time just ended up magnifying and sure there were a few times when i was not on the Benzatropine in which the thoughts existed sure i was not on the .5 of the risperdal and just was not doing so hot and thought that it was the risperdal and had alot of caffeine which ended up a bad idea i was just thinking that i should just be on the abilify at that time but the two i see work better now that i have been on the abilify over time sorry if i am a bother i just felt the need to vent the Benzatropine i had thought for a long time was making me feel better and i wanted to be on it now i was finally able to see it as the problem the years worth of crap my life was on that for once i feel free and sure some people probably think it was for the better because on top of the voices and the noises i supposedly retaliated against someone for doing something when i had no clue who they are or what they were doing but was going to be caught for doing that so between the schizophrenia and the Benzatropine and psychosis and the abilify i now can just call people by there actions what they do how they do stuff not let my illness turn on myself and not let or think people use my illness to there advantage what goes around comes around say my whole thing with people thinking i retaliating against someone doesn't exist i just use logic to stop for someone from coming into my life sure on top that and the intrusive thoughts i still have a long way to go hopefully its nothing but upward from here so at this time i am a no relationship person sure i am kinda in isolation i do live with family and have relationships with them i just am not a people person at this time and as far as relationships i was talking about people i do not know or have never spoken with or a relationship as far as my view could have ever existed with them doesn't that sound great keep people i do not know out of my life i'll just say as far as love or like type stuff goes yep got a long way to go