I'm so sorry you are huring with all of this beauflow. I don't have a lot of experience with suicide, but I can still share my thoughts on some of what you said.

A few things stood out to me. First, the idea that your mom attempting suicide and then blaming that on you is terrible. It sounds very manipulative. She has her own problems and it is her responsibility to deal with them. If she does have a problem with you it is her responsibility to deal with it, though it does not sound like she does a lot of direct communication. So I understand that you feel guilty and I can't really stop that, but I do want you to know it is not your fault. I hope in time you will feel less guilty.

The second thing that stood out to me was what you said about you can only work on yourself. As painful as that can be sometimes we can only do so much for other people. If your brother doesn't want to get well then there is nothing you or anyone else can do to help him. He has to get that himself.

Finally, it sounds like your family issues are very toxic for you. I don't know if you have a T, but I'm guessing you do and that you talk to them about this? But my real point is that maybe it would be best if you created some emotional distance between you and your family? I hate to see you being hurt by people who only seem to care about themselves. It just isn't healthy from what you say.

Thanks for posting this and I hope it helps you work through some of it!