((((Beau)))) I am sorry you are struggling. I am so sorry you are hurting. I think I know what you are trying to say...I hope I am not too far off-base!

I don't know if this helps but my T1 talked to me about the difference between Pain and Suffering. In relation to coping.

It sounds as if there is suffering. And for good reason. But in order to move forward (to not get stuck, SI, in Suffering), perhaps you, too, can focus on the intense Pain and how you feel (may be some anger in there, too. I know there is for me!), acknowledge it, talk about it with T., validate it ... so then YOU can move forward.

Pain = OK for a time
Suffering =

When I worked to change my thinking in that way (it didn't happen overnight), other people's stuff took on less importance to me (although I love them and care and perhaps they have hurt me DEEPLY, I don't go "there" anymore...I try not to let myself get to the "Suffering" stage).

Also, I know I complained about this before, but I have taken on a "coping" mantra to help get me through when I am struggling (in pain) so I don't let it turn to suffering / depression / SI (and again IT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T LOVE OR CARE):

"It just doesn't matter".

(for example, yesterday someone in our NY office triggered the holy c***! out of me! And I was so upset. I remembered what my T said and also the lil' mantra and I didn't feel so low as to start beating myself up about it like I normally would)

I hope this helps a teeny bit.