Yes, you're absolutely right. and this is why the time thing is an obstacle for me. I am scared that I'll start and then won't stop.

I just got back from an appt and this is what happened. I actually was closer inside to crying than I've ever been. I was feeling something/emotions on the inside (rather than complete dissociation), but we literally had 8 minutes left. It was a strange pull for me - I'd been working for months on trying to feel those emotions and let myself be attached to them, but I knew that I couldn't let myself start because I had to compose myself enough to get to my car and my T doesn't like to run over. I told her that I was close to tears and it almost felt hard to stop, rather than to start. She offered that I could take some tissues and cry in my car. I also knew that by hugging her when leaving that it would push me in the direction of crying, so I had to guard myself against that. It was hard and I almost started crying a couple of times (I could get my iPad into my backpack - I'd had it out to show her my HW - and I was frustrated and dazed), but I didn't. I got to my car and I just felt heavy. I guess I pushed it in and though I still feel dazed (1.5 hr after our appt ended) and 'heavy' emotionally, no tears... Sometimes the arbitrariness of the T relationship is frustrating, I mean that there aren't such strict time boundaries around the time we spend with others. Maybe this is just another excuse, though? I wish that today it would have happened and now I'd feel like i'm forcing myself or something.