Tinkerbell, I meant to say earlier -- if you don't mind a piece of unsolicited advice -- make sure to give yourself time to grieve. You have suffered a tremendous loss, one that can take months or years to fully recover from, if one indeed ever recovers from such a loss.

The first year (first holiday, birthday, etc.) is particularly difficult, in my own experience.

Don't rush yourself or be too hard on yourself.

Sending more hugs...