Thanks, but my bf does not love me. He cares about me, and I about him, but we're not in love. He's with me because he'd be in even tighter financial strain without me. Still, I think he'd be in less, because my OCD costs a lot of money, but he's told me he couldn't afford our apartment without my share of the rent money.

Thanks for the advice about singing, but I can't do that. I mean, I sing every day, but I can't really sing well, and I get very depressed about it, because I want to sing well. It's a dream I'll never have come true. It's very painful for me.

Getting my mind off obsessive thoughts isn't so easy. I can't touch many things, so I can't always write when I'm feeling dirty, and that doesn't fix things. I do appreciate the suggestion, though.

I am feeling really down right now, because my boyfriend didn't get his car back today, so I won't get out at all this weekend, and I won't get to see Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow, for which I had free tickets. And the tickets can't be used for another movie another time. I lose out on that.

I am just so sick of it all.