Wow, bro I can relate to you in the drug and alcohol addiction. I am taking meds to take care of the gambling, drug and alcohol addictions in my life. I too didn't have many friends in high schoola and I have depression and bipolar. If your girlfriend is up to it I would suggest you two go to see a relationship counsler if you can both afford it. That's cool that you keep a journal. I keep a journal and I write poetry. Do you have any religious beliefs? I am a follower of Jesus Christ (christian). I am impressed that you had the will power to navigate the murky waters of 13 relationships. I have never had a girlfriend because I don't think I am compatable with many females. It sounds like you know what you want in a partner and you are not going to give up any time soon. At leasts you have your self respect. I will be praying for you.