Here's a comparison for the way I see this situation...

By not e-mailing your T you are adding another building block to your foundation so that at some point in the future you can stand on your own. Building that foundation can be a difficult process, but the more you add another block, the stronger that foundation will become.

By not letting it be about her, maybe she is trying to help you foster independence.

As for the "freezing" thing that you are talking about, I'm not sure if it's dissociating because you don't give much detail about the occurrence, but it's probably in response to the emotions that are coming up. When strong feelings surface, people react in different ways. In your case, the moment where you "freeze" is probably your way of coping with those emotions. It might be your way of trying to block them or relieve yourself from the uncomfortable feelings. Because for many of us, it is very scary to sit with and be with our emotions in the present. And as a result, we go by any means to get rid of them or run away from them when sometimes what we really need to do is recognize that they are there. Sometimes it's helpful to ask ourselves a few questions: What am I feeling- does it have a name? Or does it have a word that can accurately describe it? What may have led me to feel this way? How can I go about dealing with these feelings in a healthy way?

Here's my take on the difference between needing and wanting. When we want something, that something is a luxury. When we need something, that something is a necessity for our survival. We can live without our wants. We typically can't live without our needs. We may be unhappy if we don't get what we want, but we're not going to die as a result. Does that make sense?

The uncomfortable feelings are tagging along for the ride, but you are making progress on your journey! Keep that chin up!