Decided to see my pdoc again yesterday. After 8 months on no meds, I had the most terrifying mixed episode lasting 1 week. Short, but it was a very close call. So once we have done a 24h EEG to test for epilepsy (again), I have agreed to go back onto Epilim and try Lamictal.
I figured there is no time like the present to enjoy a chocolate diet

, because as soon as I start the meds again, I will have to be mercenary about keeping the weight gain in check.
I find the idea of a beer binge quite attractive, but realistically, it would screw me up badly, and I'm not very fond of alcohol anyway - it exacerbates the dissociative experiences I constantly live with.
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Life is like a storm with millions of eyes. So deceptive.