UPDATE!

today, my bf and i went to the therapist this afternoon. it was an hour session and it was enjoyable. she asked me more questions about my family, people i have associated myself with, etc. i told her the screwed up advice i have gotten from people whether they been through my situation or not, but they seem to be a walking door mat to their families.

she said i wouldn't take account of what these people have to say and i told her i agree because it has gotten to the point where i have to be cautious on the kind of advice i get. if i hear an ounce of you embracing mistreatment and you just dust it under the carpet, there is no point in me talking to you or asking for advice because you have not resolved your issues but you got the nerve to give advice to someone who wants to break free from this prison.

she and my bf said i agree it's like asking a heroin addict how do i get off of drugs but the heroin is still shooting it up? u don't ask an heroin addict how to get off of drugs you ask someone who has been off of drugs for a long time who can help you get out of that hell hole.

now, the therapy she wants to do is coping skills like ground skills (sounds like environmental change). she said find something that will open up your para-sympathetic (nice side not activating the fight or flight mode) and allow kindness to come into you. she wants me to do that then work on self esteem later on and she will explain more in the next session next tuesday.

then we will also work on communication skills for me to communicate better to my bf. she asked me on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being worse and 1 better on things that i am feeling i said all 5s and i'd like to be at a 1 (sounds like EFT). she said with the ground skills you need to find what will work for you and if something don't work we can try other things.

i know what brings out my para-sympathetic side is animals. i love animals although i did mistreated my pets from the 90s all because my parents did and the environment my parents hate animals yet claim they love them. i do not want to mistreat an animal again. she said with trauma when u took the counseling class in college, the psych field was getting more info trauma as we didnt know much about it.

she said you did experience trauma/abuse in your life and other people may not think so but its all subjective and i felt relieved hearing that. other people who didn't go thru what i went thru have no business waving wands at me telling me my life was not traumatic while their lives were like leave it to beaver lifestyle! i told her about people that i said to them nobody decides what is traumatic for me as they have no business doing so she and my bf said i agree.

my bf is the only one who truly understands me while nobody else does not. id just thought i would give an update....