Ok- So Monday/Tuesday I was a raging bull beauflow... lot of time just wasted on in my head... The sad part is that I work at a job where I am "allowed" to do this.... it is just sad that it is not a real job and I am allowed to spend so much time thinking whihc is good and bad
But on ward!

So Tuesday "more" or maybe the same bad news that just triggers me badly-Anyways bad ranting at time of news, restlessness and all.. emotions every where--I was mad, upset, guilt, ashamed, worried, and so forth- (SO More than Anger but still-)

What was pointed out by some great PC friends is one big thing that I still have trouble with-
Yes earlier way back in time when this thread was started- I mentioned something about "accepting that I am allowed to be angry"
It sounds simply!! I know, I think back here on my past few days/weeks and think- is that partially of what I had to do to let this GO?
Tuesday afternoon I accepted that I was angry, I accepted that I was suffering (oOoOo to accept suffering is hard for me- due to I am Strong Beauflow! beauflow no suffer!, but unfortunately that is like a deniable thing at times with certain subjects)
But with the little tid bits and hints and reminders from others---
It is ok that I am angry, I am angry about a lot, angry about suffering and angry that it is out of my control- AND I want to stop- I am done, I have done what I can, I need to accept in away Defeat on the matter- However It is not True Defeat- It is Defeat in the sense that I can not control what others do! And that is NOT a bad thing. Also with this realization of I AM NOT in control is the simple fact that it is not my fault of their outcomes..... It is sad that I even think it is my fault for their outcomes, but I have done what I can, I have supported, and I have no "fingers" in the outcome of what they choose.....
And then I realize that-- wait a minute- that is not defeat at all- I never had control, so how could I be defeated? any ways--

By Writing down just a few sentences to myself- accepting I was angry, and Realizing that A Lot Of This Anger has no where to be productive due to the subject at hand is out of my control and that I should not be angry that I do not have control due to the flip side of that, it is not on me- I seem more happier today..... just a little update on anger here with me recently.