If life came with signs, the one I'm looking at now has flashing lights and orange cones all around. I feel like my car has three wheels and no headlights driving in the rain at night... CRAP

I've been on a leave of absence from work while being transferred to a new location for the last two weeks. I thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity to elevate my situation into a more lucrative position and applied for work with another company while I waited.

My employer was very accomodating and has given me a lot of leeway in time to recieve an answer on a job I'm very interested in. Getting this job means an increase in pay, improved living situation, a stepping stone in my career, and because of the higher income, several other benefits personally including being able to spend more time (which is nearly 0 now) with my significant other.... So there was a lot of hope in getting the job...

This place did a through background check on me. I'll be the first to agree with anyone my past is hardly something I'm proud of. Still, they were impressed enough with my qualifications and references to draw me back for a second interview. I was grilled about every regrettable act in the past 25 years...

I was thanked for my willingness to answer their investigation and told I had "responded satisfactorily." What the hell does that mean anyway? They said I should hear from thm in a few days. That was last Wednesday.

Today I allowed the thought that I wouldn't recieve the job to enter my otherwise optimistic mind. CRASH !!!!!!!!

I'd felt good for the changes I've made, the struggles I've overcome and it's been a long, hard road... What does it seem to matter? I think I've created my F*&$%ing destiny and I don't see the point so clearly right now about what I could ever hope to accomplish... I just feel like giving up, but I know I won't. Just sucks this freaking disease has stolen my life away....

I'm so angry, so sad, feeling hopeless... Hope some of my friends can help me out with some encouraging words....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius