I have felt a similar way so many times! After I share something that I consider "unspeakable" I immediately fall into a thought pattern: "Did I seriously just talk about xyz?" "What if T judges me?" "I feel so ashamed and embarrassed!" "There's no turning back now- T knows and it's out in the open!" The vulnerability is uncomfortable. T has always told me that saying it out loud can be scary because it makes it more "real." But I realize that I can't keep my unspeakables to myself forever because I can only continue sticking a band aid on that open wound for so long. Eventually that wound is going to need extra care in order for it to heal so I won't be in emotional discomfort anymore.

It usually takes me many days to start feeling improvement after having shared myself with someone. So what is the next step, you ask? In the meantime I do things to occupy my time. Even if you are a busy bee with work or school or whatever takes up most of your time, find activities that you enjoy and make time for YOU. Practice some self-care and remember to be gentle with yourself. I also acknowledge that the feelings are there and I affirm myself. Occasionally I'll journal so I can organize my thoughts.

By putting these unspeakables out on the table, you are facing them and saying, "This is my life! Yes, you are real and yes, you happened, but you DO NOT determine my happiness or the outcome of my life: I DO!" It is very scary, but it can also be very exhilarating and empowering.