Just feeling very very depressed lately. Never felt so alone as i do now. Dont have anyone to share my inner thoughts with, scared if I do they may think I am crazy. I just dont know how long i can take this. Someone I deeply love is slipping away from me. It hurts me so much that I can not be there to tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for all the pain I caused him all those years ago. He never gave up on me the way I gave up on him. Now he is thousands of miles away from me, half way across the world, dying in his hospital bed and me here in my comfy home. He is so young he does not deserve to die. Due to family circumstances, and not wanting to dissapoint my parents I can not call him, nor be wih him, or tell him that not one day has passed without me thinking of him. I know death comes to us all but why him, he is so young. Every day I wake hoping that death might just take me but never does. I am a coward I long to be away from this world and yet I dont have the guts to commit suicide. It pains me more knowing i never got the chance to explian my feelings, my thoughts, my dreams and what my plans were for the future. All these years I felt there was some glimmer of hope that we could be togther but this has ended. He will never recover. How do i let this go, cause my consioncus is killing me.