I think valuing yourself is important. I don't think my son loves himself or believes that he's loved by anyone. (It's kind of a theme in my family, I think - not feeling lovable. I remember my dad telling me once - when he was like 60 - that he never felt like anyone loved him ever in his whole life.)

Anyway I've been telling my son to take better care of himself. Exercise. Eat better. That kind of thing. I really believe that when you take care of yourself, you send a subliminal message to yourself that you're worth something. At least I hope that's true.

When I was trying to do the lovingkindness meditation, I remember reading in Pema Chodron's book that a lot of people have trouble applying it to themselves. You're supposed to start with yourself, wishing yourself happiness and the root of all happiness. Then you move on and apply it to other categories of people, like your loved one, a neutral person, and an enemy. Apparently a lot of Americans have a great deal of trouble wishing themselves well. So, she suggested starting with the second person - the person you love - then focusing that feeling on yourself. I tried it that way once. I wished happiness and the root of happiness on my young nephew Wesley. Then I turned that feeling back on myself. It was really amazing. I didn't realize just how much I disliked myself until that moment.

Apparently Tibetans don't have this problem btw. I was listening to a book about a conference with western neuroscientists and Tibetan Buddhist monks. The Tibetans were surprised to learn that Americans struggle with wishing themselves well. It reminded me of the Biblical instruction to love others as you love yourself. I've always wondered: what if you don't love yourself? what then? Maybe that's what we have. A culture where people don't love themselves - and therefore have nothing but hate to give to others.