I would like to hear how people react when their T asks them this question. Does it help you? Does your T even ask this question--how common is this?

This week I asked T why therapists ask clients this question. I was referencing our previous session doing trauma work with a protocol that includes asking the client to develop a positive resource state (PRS). This is done by asking the client where she has a safe feeling in her body. I had to identify 3 such places, then another place in my body where I felt I could release energy, and then another 3 places in my body that felt safe. T kept repeating them in sequence, "your right foot, your thigh, your neck...." Connect the dots came to mind. It is impossible for me to hold 7 things in my mind at once (I think research shows most humans can only hold 3-4 at once), and this was disruptive to my trying to be in a feeling mode because it kept pulling me back to an analytic/cognitive mode to remember 7 things in sequence. Plus, the 7 places didn't feel particularly "safe", they just felt normal and OK, i.e. not in any particular pain. I felt kind of dumb to have to keep listing body parts for T, like I was being insincere and just "faking" having safe body parts, but I really wanted to try this protocol as T had spoken highly of it, so I tried to comply with his instructions.

So this week, T explained to me that the "body" element of the protocol was supposed to help me feel a bodily state I can easily return to from the traumatic incident as we do the work. In much the same way EMDR uses alternating stimulation, this protocol uses alternating back and forth between the trauma memory and the PRS or safe place. In addition to T's trying to establish the PRS with me with bodily sensations, he had also asked me to visualize a color I associated with this state. This was very easy for me, I told him the color in an instant. I could return to it quickly and feel safe, positive, stable, strong, etc. When we did the trauma protocol, I used the color to access the PRS. I did not use the bodily parts, as I couldn't remember them all and they didn't really feel "safe" anyway, they were just parts I told T to cooperate with him in the protocol.

This week I suggested to T that maybe I was impaired in body feelings and that had not helped me return to the PRS during our work. At the end of a meeting of a therapy group I am in, the leader (not my T) asked the members what they were feeling in their bodies. I asked T how is it helpful to therapists to know this information? (It isn't helping me, the client, so I am assuming the T is getting something out of it.) I felt T was a little annoyed by my really digging into this topic, but I really wanted to know! T told me this isn't for the therapist, but for the client--it's a way for the client to deepen their understanding of what they are feeling. So if I client says "I feel sad," and the T asks "where do you feel that in your body?", the client can identify a specific body part and that allows him to know his sadness at a deeper level. T told me this is the way it is for most people. That made me feel defective and different, like this works for everyone but me, what is wrong with me? I told T I felt feelings in a more holistic way, not just associated with one body part, and if he asked me what I was feeling, I would just tell him "sad" or "scared" or "joyful" without having to reference my body. By asking me about the body, T takes me away from the feeling to a more analytical mode. (It's kind of annoying, like T is changing the subject from my feeling to my body right after I share with him what is perhaps a difficult feeling. It feels like he is avoiding engaging with me when he changes the subject to my body.) Listing a body part for T really doesn't seem to deepen my awareness of a feeling, but I guess I do it because I am game for most things in therapy and perhaps just to satisfy him.

I feel like the body feeling emphasis adds an unnecessary step to doing feeling work, grief work, trauma work. If I know what I am feeling and can report that to T, he shouldn't need the intermediate body sensation. It's like I know both English and French and can translate English (the feeling) into French (voicing the feeling to T) quite easily. But T is asking me to first translate English into Japanese (the body sensation) and then Japanese into French. So much more direct to just go from English straight to French for me! I didn't share this analogy with T.

Anyway, I felt T was kind of annoyed by all my questions and I also left with a subtle feeling that I am weird and defective because I feel my feelings more holistically rather than just associated with one body part.

There is one situation where I know I feel an emotion in a body part and that is stress. I have TMJ syndrome and when I get really stressed out, my jaw hurts. I don't understand why this would help T to know this, though.

I also read the book Mindsight, in which the therapist uses feeling sensations in their bodies to help clients who are not in touch with their feelings get in touch with them. Becoming aware of their bodies helped these clients access feelings. But I am not an unfeeling, unexpressive client. I feel lots of things and am very aware of my feelings. T didn't reference Mindsight, but it made me wonder if he sees me as a unfeeling, emotionally inaccessible person and so that is why he suggests this body stuff to me.

I usually see T every 2 weeks, but after this last session, I chose a 3 week interval. I felt distance between us on this topic so I think I wanted more temporal distance too.

Oh, and the trauma protocol turned out to be a great thing and really helped me, despite my difficulty with the body component. I really liked it--a session I will remember for a long time.

Sorry this is so long. I have been thinking about all of this a lot.