The shame associated with things you have done as a result of the illness, and the degree to which they have hurt and alienated family and friends?

Honestly, for me, the latter is worse than the former. It's hard to live with myself because I feel that as a result of the illness, I have done **many** impulsive / stupid things -- probably more than the *average* person.

(For example, showing up to a professor's home once during a mixed state, completely intoxicated -- I ended up driving myself to the ER after I had sobered up a bit.)

Not good ... I mean, that's pretty awful.